“We went to a job last week for a woman who Todd said you would remember from a couple of years ago”
“Oh yeah?, who was that then?”
“The woman with the Broth!”
I was working a shift with Sarah, one of my favourite people to work with on station. We had been having a busy shift and were on our way back to station to hopefully have our break when she started talking about this job that she and Todd had been on a few days earlier.
M999: “Ehh? What about the Broth?”
Sarah: “He said you were with him when she tried to feed him the broth “
Slowly but surely it all started to come back. Before I knew it, I was in that room again. Sarah had a look of slight confusion and concern as I sat in the cab of the ambulance hardly able to speak as I laughed hard whilst trying to recount the story. I know my words won’t do it justice but try and picture yourself in my shoes…..
This one goes back about 8 years. I was an advanced technician at the time, working with Todd, a paramedic. We had been sent for an elderly woman, Lilly, who had informed our controllers that she was struggling for breath.
As we arrived on scene and entered the house, it rapidly became apparent that she wasn’t actually too short of breath at all. She was scurrying around the house and an ungodly speed, active and darting to and from the kitchen to the front room. Then she made eye contact with Todd and it started
Lilly: “Oh Hello there handsome!”
Todd: “Hello Lilly, whats going on today then?”
Lilly: “Eeee, I’m really having trouble with my breathing, I can hardly manage…….But maybe if I just have a quick kiss and cuddle, everything would be alright”
With that, she advanced on Todd with arms outstretched. Todd, being the gentleman that he is gave her a reluctant quick cuddle and pat on the back whilst looking over her shoulder at me with a look of surprise on his face. I at this time, was of course already trying to stifle a laugh, but was also planning the next stage of my plan.
As Todd managed to prise himself out of Lilly’s grasp, I felt as though I just had to intervene…
M999: “Mind Lilly, you never gave him a kiss!”
Lilly: “Oohh that’s right! come back here big boy!”
Todd: “No, no….It’s quite alright Lilly, you don’t need to do that, just tell me what’s happening with you to call us out tonight”
Todd managed to skilfully dodge out of the way and took up a relatively safe position a little further away from her.
M999: “Now, that’s not very nice Todd, Lilly was just wanting to show her gratitude to you for helping her. Weren’t you Lilly?
The look on Todd’s face was both saying ‘I am sooo going to get you for this one’ and ‘I’m just going to burst out laughing in a minute’
Lilly: “Well you at least must have some of my broth. Would you like some of my Broth son? It will warm you right up!”
Todd: “No thank you Lilly, I’m fine. We have just had our lunch” (It was 10am!)
Lilly: “No, I insist…You must have some”
Todd: “Honestly Lilly, I don’t want any right now”
Lilly: “I`ll go and get you some, you take a seat”
As she left the room, Todd and I started giggling; Lilly obviously wasn’t short of breath. It looked like she had some sort of psychiatric need, judging from her behaviour and the list of medication that were visible to us on the chest of drawers in the corner of the front room.
Todd: “You had better pack it in as well! Stop encouraging her”
M999: “Yeah Ok, no problem. Sorry.”
Lilly walked back into the front room with a large bowl of steaming hot broth. I have to be honest and say that it did look rather nice, but no matter what it looks like, the Ambulance rule comes into force. You know the one, don’t you?
‘You never ever eat anything that is offered to you from a patients house – especially an unwrapped malteser”
Lilly: “Come on then son, just one mouthful for Lilly”
Todd: (Smiling and almost laughing) No Lilly, really and honestly, No……….Err, I’m allergic to broth!”
Lilly: “Don’t be daft, you can’t be allergic to Broth”
Todd: “Lilly, I really need to do some checks okay. So let’s forget about the Broth just for now and I will check you out properly”
Todd turned around and opened the first response bag. Pulling out the sphyg he turned and stood upright again.
Todd: “Right then, lets hav…………!!!”
As he rose to full height, Lilly moved with the speed of a ninja and deftly timed the delivery of a spoon full of broth with the exact timing of Todd’s mouth opening!
I wish I had a picture to do justice to the look on Todd’s face at that very second. It was a mixture of disgust, shock and surprise.
Ever the professional, he didn’t spit it out, he didn’t shout and get upset about it, he simply said..
Todd: “Mmmm, Yes Lilly, that’s some lovely Broth there!……Now can I please finish my assessment”
Lilly: “Only if I get my kiss first “
M999: “ Come on Todd. You have had a cuddle, you have been taken out for a meal, now you need to finish the date off with a kiss!!”
I was rapidly starting to lose it at this time. It wasn’t going to be long before I just burst out laughing. Todd took one quick look at me, then turned back to Lilly and said
Todd: “Oh come on then!”
And with the skill of a seasoned and experienced paramedic, he puckered up and offered his lips for a kiss. Lilly made her move, but at the very last moment, Todd quickly turned his head so her wet kiss landed flat on his cheek.
Todd: “And that’s all you can have! My wife would kill me if she knew I was kissing another woman, and you wouldn’t want that would you?”
As we walked Lilly out to the ambulance, I took the first response bag from Todd and had one final part of my plan to put into action.
M999: “Come on Lilly, I will carry the bag so that you can link with Todd all the way to the ambulance!”
And off we went, me going up ahead to open up the ambulance, and Todd and Lilly walking up the path arm in arm like a perfect, but odd, couple!
Funny times..Thanks for reminding me about them Sarah!