As you may have read in a recent post of mine,I was having a bit of a dilemma about some research that I was about to embark on. This was going to be a unique piece of work which had the potential to change our national guidelines for the management of patients with epistaxis (nose bleeds).
When I went to our services research facilitator with the idea a few months ago, I naively thought that that I would present the idea, gain the support of the required consultants, en-role some staff, draw up the clinical guidelines and implement the study. I would then do the data collection and pass it on to a statistician to crunch the numbers, then finally write up the report and gain worldwide fame as a published author!!
However, the truth of the matter is that I had no idea about the enormous undertaking that I was about to embark on. After the initial idea, I had to write a proposal for funding for a national grant. I have never done anything like this before, but gave it a good go (as far as I understood things) but came to a huge stumbling block when it came to methodology and statistics. I have had a gradual realisation that I am not the best man for this. I don’t want to try and take something forward that I will probably botch up, and most of all I cannot commit to the time that I will have to put into the project to make it work.
I have always put work first in my life, to the detriment of my family. I have always been career minded and have known that if I push hard enough I could get to wherever I want to be. However, during the last couple of months I have changed…Big Time!…..Family first!!.
I have dropped out of all the committees I participate in, I have suspended my university studies, I have stopped the overtime (mostly) and now I have pulled out of this research study.
My family is the most important thing in my life. What enjoyment will I have being a director of Ops, or a Chief Executive in the future if I dont have my wife and children along with me. I am a Paramedic Team Leader. I have a good wage and time off to spend with my family. I have made my choice, and it is to do the job that I love, look after patients and families to the best of my abilities and then go home to love my wife and children.
Wow, that feels better!